Settling
by PearlyJammer
Summary: A silent observer comments on love, loss and life.


Title: Settling 

Author: Autumn 

Email: eddievedderismylife@hotmail.com 

Category: Not really sure. 

Rating: PG-13 

Archive Rights:  Mutual Admiration. XMMFFC, WRFA, others please ask first 

Summary: Surprise! 

Disclaimer:  I do not own the X-Men.  I do not own the U2 song "Babyface" 

Author's Notes: I have changed the lyric in the first verse from "bright blue eyes" to "dark green eyes" to fit the story a bit better. 

**Watching your dark green eyes **

**In the freeze frame **

**I've seen them so many times **

**I feel like I must be your best friend **

**You're looking fine, so fine, oh my **

**Dressed up like a lovely day, oh **

The man sat in the dark room watching the homemade DVD in melancholy silence. Over the past five years it had become his nightly ritual, and all that remained of everything good in his life.  Five fuckin' years.  Not a damn word from her in all that time. Of course, part of that was his fault, 

but he was still angry at her for being able to forget him so easily.  So completely. 

While he had lived with visions of her in his head since the day he'd met her.  It seemed ironic that the best thing in hi life was also the cause of his pain.  If there was a God, he had a fuckin' warped sense of humor.  Or maybe the Bible-bangers were right; He just didn't like mutants. 

The man sighed and wearily brought the beer to his lips, more from habit than from actual enjoyment of the beverage.  Just another thing to hang onto, another vice.  The DVD ended and he flipped the television off.  The darkness enveloped him and he stood there for several moments enjoying the way the lack of light swallowed everything in the room.  The walls, the sofa, the television, the door, nothing was exempt the night did not discriminate. 

Shaking himself from his reverie, the man stalked from the den to his quarters on the third floor.  His second ritual was remembering.  The way her hair had looked, the way she smiled, the way her skin seemed to glow, everything about her was as fresh and pure as the driven snow.  The memories 

of the year they'd shared quickly flashed before him in a psychological collage.  But the first time their eyes had met always stuck out in his mind.  Imprinted on his mind for all of eternity.  It was that same memory that lured him into sleep every night. 

**Babyface, babyface **

**Slow down child, let me untie your lace **

**Babyface, babyface **

**Cover girl with natural grace **

**How could beauty be so kind **

**To an ordinary guy **

He'd had her for a year.  The best year of his otherwise shitty existence.  He was her best friend, her confidant, and she was his everything.  He'd fallen in love with her right away.  Who could blamer him?  An innocent face, a heart of gold, and a sagelike demeanor.  She loved to laugh and loved life.  She coulda been the poster girl for living life to the fullest. 

It had initially surprised him that she sought out his company.  There were so many other people at the mansion that she could have easily gone to.  He'd always felt warm inside that she had chosen him.  It made him think 

that he was special, for awhile anyway. 

**Coming home late at night **

**To turn you on **

**Checking out every frame **

**I've got slow motion on my side **

**Turning around and around **

**With the sound and color **

**Under my control, go **

**Round and around, going down **

**Dressed up like a lovely day **

His world had crumbled when 'he' had arrived.  And she began spending less and less time with him, her so-called friend.  It ate him up, but he swallowed his feelings and sat back.  She deserved to be happy, after all she'd been through he couldn't begrudge her that.  Even if it meant she chose the company of another, he let her go.  He had to; it was what was right. 

**Babyface, babyface **

**Tin foil hair all tied up in lace **

**Babyface, babyface **

**Bitter sweet girl won't you give me a taste **

**How could beauty be so kind **

**To an ordinary guy **

He even buried his feelings and ushered for her when she married another man.  She wore a white dress that made her look like an angel.  Her hair had been swept up on top of her head, while the white streaks had been curled and fell to frame her face.  She'd looked absolutely radiant that day, and completely in love. 

He hugged her goodbye, and watched her walk out of his life forever.  She and her husband had relocated to Canada, and he hadn't heard a word from her since. 

**Babyface, babyface **

**Slow down child, let me untie your lace **

**Babyface, babyface **

**Open the door, let me unpack my case **

St. John sighed as he trudged to the East den in the mansion.  He pulled out the cracked case and inserted the DVD into the player.  He flipped on the light and watched Rogue get married for what seemed like the millionth time.  It still tore at his heart every time he saw her kiss the man she loved. With each viewing, he hoped the pain would lessen, that something would cut off his feelings, and he could live in peace.  A resolution, or acceptance, anything would do.  Until then he had his memories to sustain him, and a 

wolverine dartboard to take his anger out on.  Until he could get his hands on the real deal anyway.  But he knew in his heart he couldn't ever kill Logan.  It would hurt Rogue too much; St. John was determined to ensure that never happened, no matter the personal cost. 

**Babyface, babyface **

**You're everywhere child **

**You're all over the place **

**Babyface, babyface **

**You're coming to me from outer-space **

**How could beauty be so kind **

**To an ordinary guy **


End file.
